Are you a controlling parent? Do you listen to your child? Do you allow your child's opinions and tastes to differ from yours? You may find that a child who has been willing to conform to please you up until adolescence, will suddenly assert herself strongly and rebel against your control. Look closely at how much room you give your child to be an individual.

Tips for Parenting During Adolescence

Looking for a roadmap to find your way through these years? Here are some tips:

1. Educate Yourself ~ Read books about adolescence. Think back on your own. Remember your struggles with acne or your embarrassment at developing early - or late. Expect some mood changes in your typically sunny child, and be prepared for more conflict as she finds her way as an individual. Parents who know what's coming can cope with it better. And the more you know, the better you can prepare your child.



2. Talk to Your Child Early Enough ~ Talking about menstruation or wet dreams after they've already started means you are too late. Answer the early questions your child has about bodies, such as the differences between boys and girls and where babies come from. Don't overload your child with information - just answer their questions.
   
   You know your child. You can hear when your child's starting to tell jokes about sex, or when attention to personal appearance is increasing. This is a good time to jump in with your own questions: "Are you noticing any changes in your body? Are you having any strange feelings? Are you sad sometimes and don't know why?" A yearly physical exam is a great time to bring up these things. A doctor can tell your preadolescent child and you what to expect in the next few years. The exam can serve as a jumping-off point for a good parent/child discussion. The later you wait to have this discussion, the more likely your child will be to form misconceptions or become embarrassed about or afraid of physical and emotional changes.
   
   Furthermore, the earlier you open the lines of communication on these subjects, the better chance you have of keeping them open throughout the teen years. Give your child books on puberty written for kids going through it. Share memories of your own adolescence with your child. There's nothing like knowing that Mom or Dad went through it, too, to put your child more at ease.



3. Put Yourself in Your Child's Place ~ Practice empathy with your growing child. Help your child understand that it's normal to be a bit concerned or self-conscious. Tell your child it's OK to feel grown up 1 minute and like a little child the next. "Use helpful phrases like 'Yes, this is a difficult time' and 'I know you might feel confused' and 'It's all right, and we'll all get through it' ".



4. Pick Your Battles ~ This tip comes from Debbie, who thinks parents sometimes nit-pick about little things instead of letting them go. She and her mother used to fight continually about the state of Debbie's room. "I realized that the mess in her room was the only thing she and I were communicating about, and I realized it would stay that way until one of us compromised," her mother says. "I didn't want that to be the only thing we talked about, so hard as it was, I gave in a little." Debbie's bedroom door now stays closed, and she cleans it up herself - without being nagged - when it gets too far gone.
   
   Consider the "pick your battles" approach: "There are parents who may be upset because their son's hair is too long or their daughter is wearing her jeans baggy and below the belly button. 'Don't sweat the small stuff. This too shall pass.' "



5. Maintain Your Expectations ~ "Parents start to compromise their values in adolescence and write off behavioral or school problems with 'Oh, he's just a teenager' ". "That's wrong. Parents must maintain their level of expectation with these kids, and the kids will rise to them." Keep your standards as far as grades and behavior are concerned.



6. Inform Your Adolescent - and Stay Informed ~ Adolescence is often a time of experimentation, and sometimes that experimentation includes risky behaviors. Don't avoid the subjects of sex and drug, alcohol, and tobacco use; discussing these things openly with your child before she is exposed to them increases the chance that your child will act responsibly when the time comes.



7. Know your child's friends - and know your child's friends' parents. ~ Regular communication between the parents of adolescents can go a long way toward creating a safe environment for all the children in a peer group. Parents can help each other keep track of the kids' activities without making the kids feel that they are being watched.



8. Know the Warning Signs~ A certain amount of change may be normal in adolescence, but too drastic or long-lasting a switch in a child's personality or behavior may signal real trouble, the kind that needs professional help. Watch out for one or more of these warning signs:
   
   
   • Extreme weight gain or loss
   • Sleep problems
   • Rapid, drastic changes in personality
   • Sudden change in friends
   • Skipping school continually
   • Falling grades
   • Talk or even jokes about suicide
   • Symptoms of tobacco, alcohol, or drug use
   • Run-ins with the law
   
   
   Any other inappropriate behavior that lasts for more than 6 weeks can be a sign of underlying trouble, too. You may expect a glitch or two in your child's behavior or grades during this time, but your A/B student shouldn't suddenly be failing, and your normally outgoing kid shouldn't suddenly become constantly withdrawn. Your child's doctor or a local counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you find proper counseling.



9. Respect Privacy ~ Some parents have a very hard time with this one. They feel anything their child does is their business. But when you are in the business of building a brand-new young adult, some privacy becomes that young adult's right. If there are warning signs of trouble, then you might want to invade your child's privacy until you get to the heart of the problem, but otherwise - back off. An adolescent's room and phone calls should be private, and not all thoughts or activities need to be shared with a parent. All children, adolescent or not, need parental supervision, and you have the right to know where your child will be and what he'll be doing. Just don't expect all the details to be included, and don't expect to be invited along.



10. Monitor What Your Child Sees and Reads ~ Television shows, magazines and books, the Internet - kids have access to tons of information. Be aware of what your child is watching and reading. Know what your child is learning from the media so you can explain what's being said or clear up mistakes.



11. Make Appropriate Rules ~ Bedtime for an adolescent should be age-appropriate, just as it was when your child was a baby. Reward your child for being trustworthy. Does your child keep to a 10 PM curfew? Move it to 10:30 PM. Must an adolescent always go along on family outings? You decide what your expectations are, and don't be insulted when your growing child doesn't always want to be with you anymore. Think back. You probably felt the same about your mom and dad.



12. Will This Ever Be Over? ~ Just like the onset of puberty and adolescence, the end is gradual and fuzzy. You will eventually notice a slowing of the highs and lows of adolescence. Debbie has come back out of her room, and they are beginning to enjoy grown-up talks together. She adds: "As Debbie grew, we matured as parents, too, and it feels good." Eventually, you'll have an independent, responsible, communicative child. So remember the motto of parents with adolescents: we're going through it together, and we'll come out of it - together!

    Active Living ~ Many Areas of Interest
    

    The Human Nature Daily Review

    
    

    Sexual Health and Sexually Transmitted Infections "TALK TO ME" "Talk To Me" is a sexuality education program designed to help parents to talk to their children about sexuality. It has been developed with emphasis on teenage perspectives. It was initially developed by the Cape Breton Wellness Centre and the University College of Cape Breton, in collaboration with parents and funded by Health Canada. "Talk To Me" was then adapted into French and revised to address the recommendations of parents who had participated in a pilot project. The program's intent is to make parents more aware of adolescent needs and difficulties related to sexuality, to develop their communication skills and to help them become more knowledgeable and more 'askable' parents. (read on)

    Go Smoke Free! More than 45,000 people will die prematurely this year in Canada due to tobacco use -- at least 1,000 of them will be non-smokers. Tobacco. We can live without it. (please read on)

    Edition No. 14
    Insight EFAP International

    
    

    

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