Indeed, those body contractions let us know the feelings are frozen inside us. The direct experience of our real feelings is not an intellectual phenomenon. You cannot think your way into releasing. It is a letting go into another dimension, one in which you do not have control. And this is where most people back away and can't go any further. People confuse letting go of control with being out of control and do not trust the natural process of feeling. People think feelings are out of control. This is not true.

It is however true that most people are out of control with their emotions being in a state of panic, hostility, and rage. These out of control states are an acting out state caused by thoughts. These thoughts can lead to controlled behaviour or out of control behaviour. Neither one of these is a feeling state.

The energy of these acting out mental states is totally different from the energy of a natural free-flowing emotional state. You can learn to recognize the difference, feeling states flow and you feel better afterwards. Mental states are stuck and you repeat the same ideas over and over again in your head with no resolution. You may really feel the fear or whatever pain/emotion.

When a person is hurting someone they are not in a feeling state, they are unconscious of their body and their feelings. A feeling state is a highly conscious state. You are aware of more, not less. People hurt each other when they are unaware of what they are feeling and unaware of what they are doing. The killer is the one who has never felt his real feelings. He does not cry when he is hurt. He defenses against his hurt and becomes harder and more unconscious. If he cried when he was hurt he would not hurt back, he would become more sensitive and emotionally stronger. People who do the most damage in the world are all weak, frightened, scared persons. They are not strong, vibrant and healthy.

So now, how do you really feel and naturally release the stuck energy? Sit down, breathe, and breath and breathe. Do this with your Mother. Sit beside her and breathe. Breath into any area of your body that hurts. Feel your well-worn buttons. They will lead to your real feelings. Feel your reaction to your Mother. Do you withdraw? attack? Feel the literal energy that is in your body. Experience what is actually there. Allow yourself to feel bad. Now you are getting somewhere.

You want to feel exactly what you have been avoiding for all these years. You will feel bad about yourself. This is what your defensive energy has been trying to keep away from you and what you must feel to free up your energy. It is that simple. You cannot break out of the conflict without feeling bad. You are tied up in conflict with your Mother. It is sticky emotional energy. This stagnate energy is created by using judgment and guilt to block your real feelings.

Conflicts are simple:

• The controlled part tries to control: "you should blab, blab..."



• The good self tries to please and get approval by doing it.



• The bad self resists and will not do it.



• You lose either way, if you do it you feel resentful and bad.



• If you don't, you feel guilty and bad.



• Lose, Lose.

These are those well-worn buttons. There is no way to win. Or feel satisfied. Everyone loses. So experience your unique conflict and all of the characters in your psyche. What we want to do is literally release this conflict because this is what is keeping our energy from moving and flowing. This defensive energy is what makes us sick and unhappy.

To step away from the conflict all you have to do is own all the aspects of your psyche: the controller, resister and pleaser. Then make an Active Conscious Choice to love and be your real self rather than these characters!! This means you will not be defensive and reactive with your energy any more. Your power comes naturally to you as soon as you stop blaming yourself or anyone else! Then you can do what you want to with your power.

Your real feelings are underneath the conflict. Go into a deeper body state and feel how your Mother hurts your feelings. Feel it and let it vibrate through your body and soul. Let yourself cry, cry, cry. Let your whole body cry, not just your eyes. Keep breathing. Keep breathing in, and on each exhale let the feelings out, out, out. "Breathe and Feel." It really works!!

When you allow yourself to directly experience your hurt a change naturally happens. You have been relating to yourself the same way that your Mother did. You have been pushing yourself and either resisting or appeasing. After experiencing how you are hurting yourself, you can decide to do something different. Try loving, attending to and listening to yourself. Feel the reality of your emotional self and what she needs. You will separate from your Mother as you feel your authentic emotional self and let her/him lead the way. Separating from our parents means separating from their control and out of control defensive energy. Doing this will allow much more genuine intimacy to occur between you and your Mother. It works wonders.

Canadian Quotes of The Day ... and more [on the lighter side]

Edition No.55
Insight EFAP International